Dear CALM teacher, 

I'd like you to read this very closely, and really think about what I've written. I thoroughly enjoyed unit 1 of this course, but things have taken a sudden turn for the worst in unit 2. I'm speaking on behalf of all eating disorder survivors when I say this unit was inaccurate, triggering, and extremely harmful. The topic of exercise and nutrition was handled very poorly, and could potentially be very damaging to the unsuspecting teenage public. So, instead of reflecting on balancing the dimensions of my health as called for in the unit assignment, I've written you a paper informing you of the harm this unit could cause teens (especially those who are predisposed to, currently struggling with, or recovering from an eating disorder.) 

In unit 1, the curriculum talked about the impacts of social media and mass media on young adults, but I think it may have been overlooked that programs such as CALM also have a strong impact. I believe immediate intervention and modification of this course is required. Before examining the faults of this course, I will like to clarify that I am by no means trying to ridicule whoever is reading this. However, I hope with your position as a teacher, you could use your power to help send this message further in hopes of change. 

Let me give you a bit of background on my story. I was diagnosed with anorexia and qualified for hospitalization. In fact, I was nearly hospitalized at the University of Alberta Hospital in December. I wasn't hospitalized, thankfully, due to my wonderful support team here in Calgary, but it was a very close call. A lot of the concepts presented in this course as desirable behaviours can turn very dangerous, very quickly when they are taken too far. I'd like to walk you through each of these particularly concerning standards that I was asked to evaluate myself on as part of this assignment, and explain how negatively these seemingly "healthy" ideas have affected my life. 

"I participate in at least 60 minutes of physical activity daily." 

I struggled immensely with compulsive exercising. I would feel so guilty after eating that I would run up to 14 kilometers, even when unhealthily underweight. By the end of my runs, I would be close to tears. It was pure suffering — nothing healthy with that. By the end of runs, my knees would be so brutally sore I would have trouble walking; there was one time I remember crawling up the stairs to my bedroom because the pain was so severe. Standards like the one asked here praise and encourage exercising, regardless of whether it is actually healthy or compulsive and disordered. I understand physical exercise is important in the daily life of healthy people, but let me suggest different wording of this question: 

"I move my body in ways that feel good and are enjoyable." 

"Given the choice between white and whole grains, I choose whole grains." 

The only difference between white grains and whole grains is that whole grains keep you full for longer. This question gives morality to different types of food. There's nothing wrong with white bread, and it shouldn't be portrayed as "bad." Both white AND whole grain breads deserve a place in a healthy, balanced diet. I've had multiple registered dietitians tell me this as I have worked to overcome a rigid and judgmental view of food. Perhaps it could be a good idea to consult with a dietitian before asking these questions. Let me suggest different wording: 

"I nourish my body with a balanced variety of carbohydrates, ensuring to include whole grains when I can."

"I choose water or milk over pop or energy drinks." 

Everything can be enjoyed in moderation! This standard follows the same flawed thinking as the previous. The next challenge in overcoming my eating disorder is to try regular (not diet) pop. Comments like these have associated so much fear and guilt with drinks like these that drinking one of these would have brought me to a literal rage episode months ago. Is it healthy to react to pop as if it is threatening your life? I'm not saying we should all live off pop and energy drinks, but we shouldn't avoid them at all costs if we really want one. Different wording for this question could be: 

"The majority of the time, I drink liquids that will hydrate and nourish my body." 

"I read nutrition labels when selecting and purchasing food." 

This comment is ridiculous, and I find it insulting to everything eating disorder survivors have been through. As part of my recovery, my parents have blocked out the nutritional information of food, since it causes me so much fear and anxiety. In the earlier days of my recovery, I would obsess over the nutritional information, and had strict self-imposed calorie limits for my snacks and meals. Anything with lipids or sugar that I was forced to eat would result in a panic attack. Especially in today's society, where all people are told that being in a calorie deficit is a symbol of good health and pride, this standard is incredibly harmful and promotes unhealthy (even dangerous) behaviours. Different wording could be: 

"I have a healthy relationship with all types of food, and answer to my body's cravings and needs." 

I understand the general points you're trying to make, but the wording is poor, outdated, and misleading. You're promoting eating disorders in promoting these standards; the situational awareness shown here is very disappointing. I would expect more of a course designed to promote health and wellbeing. These questions literally conflict with my doctor-supervised recovery. I worry how these questions will subliminally impact teenagers who don't have the support team that I do. 

But wait! It gets worse! Let's dive into the next part of this section of the unit. My lesson materials state that "cardiovascular exercise also burns calories and promotes weight control and weight loss" and "with increased muscle mass, your body's metabolic rate increases, allowing you to burn calories more efficiently." This statement promotes exercise as a means to lose weight to fit the flawed beauty standard of thin, and is incredibly harmful. The Body Image Research Lab wrote this incredibly insightful open letter that you might benefit from reading. It's aimed towards the elementary-level curriculum, but it has several points that directly relate to what you're promoting in CALM. 

The section on nutrition is also horrifying and harmful. What are you trying to achieve? Are you trying to strike fear into the hearts of teens by telling them that fast food and pre-made dinners are full of "fat, sodium, refined carbohydrates, and preservatives?" These things are being portrayed as poisonous. Did you know the brain is literally made of fat? It will take two to three years for my brain scan to appear normal because I deprived myself so severely of it. Why are you so focused on fighting obesity, but seem unconcerned when it comes to fighting eating disorders?

As a Grade 10 student in a high school environment, I see undiagnosed eating disorders all around me. I overheard a girl crying in the school washroom because she ate breakfast. I've overheard girls boast about how little they've eaten that day on the field in Phys Ed. I've seen a girl write down the few things she ate on her palm, right beside its caloric value. Girls talk non-stop about how they want to get skinny; it's a mass obsession. Come to a high school, listen to what girls say in the hallways, and tell me that there isn't an eating disorder epidemic taking place right now. This is the culture these assignments feed into and support. 

Then, there was the final part of the nutrition section: the part on eating disorders. The first thing I saw on this page was a large thumb nail on my page for a video of someone with severe anorexia. I saw the ways her ribs jutted out of her torso, her tooth-pick legs, her sunken face, and I felt sick to my stomach. Maybe it's because I saw a fragment of myself in her; tortured, suffering, dying a slow and painful death. It's been several days since I've seen that image of her, and I still feel deeply disturbed by it. There was no warning for this extremely graphic image. This image and video link are absolutely unacceptable; you have to put in a trigger warning before showing these sorts of things. If an anorexic sees this early in their recovery, it could easily cause them to relapse. 

The thing is, I didn't even need to click on the video. I've already seen this video multiple times. When I was at my sickest, I would watch this exact video over and over. I would obsess over how she looked, and I would wonder if I would ever get to look the same. Through the sick lens of my anorexia, her emaciated, skeletal body was captivating, a sort of beautiful divinity. The individual shown in this lesson has grown (against her wishes) to have a god status in the pro-anorexia community. Tell me why I opened my computer to do school work and saw the face of a toxic community where starving yourself to death is valued above all. This is a very dangerous game to make young people aware of. 

Later, the course talked about the dangers of addiction in great detail (which is excellent.) Eating disorders, however, are just as severe, and they weren't taken nearly as seriously -- in fact, they were even encouraged in the way food and exercise were so moralized. What would it be like if you encouraged drugs and alcohol the way you encouraged disordered eating behaviours? You talk about the dangers of mental illness but handle the eating disorder epidemic with indifference and ignorance. What message do you want to give the future generation? 

This course gives a prejudicial commentary reflecting dangerous weight-biased values. This course needs to be fixed as soon as possible. I shudder to think how many more teenagers this will reach before appropriate action is taken. I'd be happy to provide insight, and help in the redrafting of assignments. Please do some research before sending these dangerous messages out to impressionable high-school level students. I expected more from this course; the first 2 sections of unit 2 felt like reading eating disorder propaganda.

— Charlotte Bellows, July 4th, 2020