Meaningful Conversations

We are witnessing and participating in a transformative time in our culture.  Black Lives Matter, and anti-racist protests, have proliferated across the globe in response to the police killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis on May 25, 2020, one of many victims of police brutality towards Black, Indigenous and People of Colour (BIPOC) in the United States. Canada is no better in its treatment of BIPOC; we have recent examples of similar racially motivated attacks by police and RCMP. This, and other forms of systemic racism in the education, judicial, housing and health care systems proliferate our society and deny full advantages of citizenship to BIPOC.

As a person of mixed race (the main make up of my DNA is South and Central Africa, Scotland, Southern Asian) the recent spotlight on systemic racism has prompted me to reflect on my own past experiences. My parents are both of mixed race; my mother is dark skinned and my father is light skinned. I am also light-skinned; I did not experience or perceive racism to the same degree as my dark-skinned brothers, mother and members of my extended family. My mother and father emigrated from South Africa and settled in Toronto, Canada in the late 60s before I was born to escape the oppressiveness of the apartheid regime. My mother is a pacifist at heart in contrast to her activist siblings (her siblings are artists and teachers; at the extreme, her sister is a poet who was exiled from South Africa for her anti-government writing and efforts). My mother said she came to Canada because she wanted her children to love whoever they wanted to love. I grew up hearing my mother sing us songs about love for children of all colours and the beauty in all humanity. She always emphasized the importance of being kind to everyone and avoided conflict (in contrast to her siblings). My father would always easily make friends and was well-respected for his work (he is a bookkeeper and still does taxes for several clients despite his age) and was always helping out others in the neighbourhood. The communities where we lived (predominantly Jewish when I was young and multi-cultural when I was in high school) always seemed inviting and accepting, and we had several friends in these communities despite our obvious differences. Between my large family (my uncle’s family moved in with us when they emigrated to Canada) and our surrounding communities, I always experienced a multi-cultural existence. I never once was encouraged by my parents to think that any negative events in my life may have racist roots and instead always focused on my own efforts when others were given opportunities that I was not. However, there were some things I could not make sense of in relation to my own/my family’s efforts, talent or lack thereof (e.g. bullying, social judgements, occupational opportunities). I find myself reflecting on the part that racism may have played in these events and the growing call for all of us to take part in finding solutions to systemic racism and guarantees of social justice for all.

Eliminate racist talk

Racism starts at home. Make your home a place where race is discussed in positive terms.

• Use positive terms when talking about your own race and those of others
• Eliminate talk that promotes negative racial stereotypes
• Call out the racist talk of others and family members. SILENCE gives people the green light. Here is a template of to respond to racist comments (by Sinead Bovell, founder of WAYE). You can also check out NPR’s article on “How You Should Respond to a Racist Comment”:
  • Could you clarify what you meant by that?
  • As a friend, I feel obligated to let you know that that remark was racist.
  • I know you were trying to make a joke, but here is why it is offensive.
  • I really don’t feel comfortable when you make comments like that.
• Discussing racist talk with others and your family members does not need to confrontational. Offer time to talk about things.  Share resources. Acknowledge your courage in speaking up. It is okay to take comfort in knowing that calling people on their racist talk is not easy or comfortable, but it is the right thing to do.  

Buhin, L. (2006). Strategies for prevention of racism in children. Prevention in Counseling Psychology: Theory, Research, Practice, & Training, 1, 21-22.

Buhin, L. & Vera, E.M. (2009). Preventing racism and promoting social justice: Person-Centred and environment-centred interventions. Journal of Primary Prevention, 30, 43-59.

Carter, E.R. & Murphy, M.C. (2015). Group-based differences in perceptions of racism: what counts, to whom, and why? Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 9, 269-280.

Thank-you to Victoria Purcell, ISE Doctoral Student Clinician, who researched and collated the resources mentioned in this blog.